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:icontribble-of-doom: More from tribble-of-doom

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Submitted on
May 20, 2012
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118 KB


54 (who?)


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Aside (Play) by tribble-of-doom Aside (Play) by tribble-of-doom

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A ten page play I wrote for Writer's Craft class. Critiques, thoughts, comments, all appreciated.


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Allow me to begin by saying that it's been an absolute joy watching you grow as a writer, Tribbs. Your plots have always been crazy and unique, but as your writing skills improve, I feel like we get closer and closer to seeing what really goes on behind the curtains in that fantastic mind of yours.

This may very well be my favorite piece of yours to date. It's short, sweet, and to the point, but still manages to captivate your attention and really make you think. The brain facts were an excellent touch, and as per usual with your work, it's worth noting for originality alone.
I think what caught my attention most was the fact that it accurately represents a part of everyday life that we are all aware of, but rarely take time to reflect upon. If you look at the physical events in the plot, there's not very much going on. Most of what happens is in the minds of the characters, which is both a realistic way to look at a subway ride and a unique insight into something we often forget goes on at all.
All things considered, I loved this piece. There's nothing really earth-shattering about the writing, but the formatting you used and the psychology behind it are enough to keep this one on your mind for a few hours after you read it. Amazing work!
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Metoka Featured By Owner May 28, 2012
:happybounce: That was really good! I caught 2 typos, but good! Characters are life-like, and there's interesting information there...You can really feel the people throughout the carride. It seems realistic, too. Those are definitely my thoughts.

I also love how the minds interact with eachother. I haven't ever seen anything like this before...
9999poppy Featured By Owner May 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love how the Minds say the true words behind what we say with our mouths, like Sophie's thank you said Im scared. That was smart and clever!
Also, I love how the Minds are constantly talking, thinking, analyzing, because its very true, our minds always work.
Love it Tribbs, and happy (Late :meow: ) Birthday!
Six-and-Sticks Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I really... REALLY want the Moose Jaw players to use this as a warm up show for dinner theatre or something. FFUUUUUUUU >:U
I love theatre so much ;_;
I have to find a way to see this produced (with your permission of course) even if it's not with the players.

I just need to say that Sophia's ramblings are a little out there, which when I thought about it at first was a bit awkward, but then I found it to be very true to form. I have a lot of one-sided conversations (or something that doesn't sound crazy... maybe extended interior exposition?) with people who aren't there all. the. time.

I love the title too C: CLEVERR.
faberchan Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I'm really upset learning about limerence. I think that sorta just blew half my life out the fucking window.
tribble-of-doom Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well that's just the chemicals, y'know? It's not that you'd wake up one morning and be like "oh yeah, you actually disgust me, lolsorry." It's just that you won't feel like you need to have your tongue in their mouth every second of the day. Limerence is more like the intense lust part of love and not the emotional's not actually all that grim. Just brain chemistry. Limerence was evolution's way of getting babies made right off the bat, and when it dies down you're supposed to now have a kid and thusly your brain wants you to stop humping for two seconds and raise it.

Sophia's comparison of having unending limerence to "true love" isn't really warranted. Once limerence wears off, provided the couple likes each other for more than physical reasons, not much changes. I just manipulated the information for my own purposes because I'm evil.

Didn't mean to make you feel paranoid or anything!
faberchan Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Ahh I see! thanks for clearing that up, I feel much better now! ^u^
lolaf Featured By Owner May 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That would be interesting to see on a stage, my drama class did somthing a bit similar in a short skit for our collective. Except it was a date in a movie theater and the "thoughts/minds" of the stars were hidden behind the set. Still I've always loved that idea, especially if you can get the sync between thoughts and actions right.
FluffyTheBlueWolf Featured By Owner May 20, 2012
It doesn't wanna play for me):
tribble-of-doom Featured By Owner May 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
What do you mean it doesn't want to play? xD It's a play, it doesn't play like a video.

Do you mean it just isn't loading? Just give it a few seconds :)
FluffyTheBlueWolf Featured By Owner May 20, 2012
It just doesn't seem to want to load :\
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